The morning before Christmas Santa went to his favorite diner and ordered Eggs Benedict for breakfast.
A few minutes later the waiter came back, carrying his Eggs Benedict in a shiny new hubcap.
Santa was confused. He asked, “Why the hubcap? Why not a plate?”
The waiter said, “Because there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.”
Five political prisoners were scheduled to be hanged in London. They were asked if they had a last wish.
The Scotsman said he would like to play his bagpipes one last time.
The German said he would like to gaze upon the Bavarian Alps one last time.
The Italian said he would like to hear the Pope’s mass in St. Peters Square one last time.
The Frenchman said he would like to visit the red light district in Paris one last time.
The Irishman said he would like to be hanged first so he didn’t have to hear the Scotsman’s bagpipes.
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Santa to girl on lap:
What would you like for Christmas?
I’m entrusting my husband with writing the neighbor’s Christmas cards because he has a better recollection of who we’re fighting with.
– Thrill Tweeter [email protected]_Tweeter
If holidays were superheroes, Hanukkah would be Aquaman.
– Andy Borowitz
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